


Past the Breaking Point

by KukkiisArt



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Drabble, Intercrural Sex, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Non-Consensual Somnophilia, Non-Penetrative Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 19:28:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23972716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KukkiisArt/pseuds/KukkiisArt
Summary: One night running from Shinra and taking care of a comatose Cloud have just become too much. Zack snaps and seeks comfort in the worst possible way... then he has to deal with the inevitable guilt that follows.((!! WARNING !!))This fic contains sexual content that people may find uncomfortable or disturbing despite it being non-penetrative. It also describes a mental breakdown. Long story short it's not a very happy fic, although I did give it a happy end.Please read at your own risk!!!
Relationships: Zack Fair/Cloud Strife
Comments: 5
Kudos: 55





	Past the Breaking Point

**Author's Note:**

> This idea stems from an idea my friend had but she didn't feel like she could write it down so I offered to do it UwU <3   
For all y'all who've read the warnings and STILL want to read this.  
Enjoy a drabble of pain.

A bullet grazing his shoulder. A scratch on his Buster Sword. A shower of sudden rain taking him by surprise. A night without dinner. 

The list of small annoyances was so long Zack would need a book to write them down. The list was long. Too long. Too long even for him. Dreams like returning to Midgar and living a mercenary’s life seemed as far out of reach as the stars and the moon. At night when the world was quiet and he lay awake hoping to catch at least a couple hours of sleep, his chest would feel tight to the point that he could hardly breathe anymore. 

The weight on his shoulders was crushing him slowly but surely and the question ‘Can I really do this?’ kept returning to him more and more often as time went by. 

Everyday the burden became a little heavier. Everyday it took a little bit more effort to smile at the comatose blonde man hanging over his shoulder.

And it was _this_ comatose blonde man that was the source of his remaining willpower. The reminder why he was doing this, why he had to _keep on_ doing this. Why he couldn’t just quit. Why he couldn’t just run. The only thing that kept him sane.

Only Cloud.

For maybe a week now there was only one way Zack could calm his anxiously buzzing mind and find some sleep. So this night as well he had his arms wrapped tightly around the still body of his friend. 

After Soldiers had overrun the Inn Zack had originally intended to stay in they were now holed up in an abandoned shack that probably belonged to a farmer once upon a time. Now it belonged to spiders and dust. But there was an old bed and the cold of the night was a good excuse to embrace Cloud tightly all night.

He had his nose pressed against the other’s nape and with every inhale his lungs filled with Cloud’s scent, although it was almost overshadowed by the scent of dust and sand. With every exhale Zack felt his breath scatter on Cloud’s skin, he felt the small hairs brushing against his lips, he felt the warmth. 

And underneath his fingers he felt a heartbeat. Slow and steady. His lifeline. 

“What a mess huh? I was looking forward to that Inn’s bed and some dinner. I bet you were lookin’ forward to the bed too, huh?” He asked, not expecting an answer. Cloud was still in his arms. Chest rising and falling, heart beating, soft muscle yielding to Zack’s strong embrace. They’d been running for so long Zack thought it was somewhat silly that he still felt the sting of disappointment every time Cloud didn’t respond.

Usually he could play it off but on some nights, like this one, it bothered him more. He was so tired. Physically. Emotionally. 

“Why…. can’t you say anything?” His voice was small as he asked into the dark room. “You can hear what I’m saying right? Can’t you? Cloud?” Useless questions. Answers he demanded from a comatose man. A voice lost in a dusty, dark room. 

Zack held his breath.   
One Second.  
Ten Seconds.  
Twenty Seconds…

The noise of Cloud’s silent breathing was so loud in his ears it threatened to rip his eardrums apart. The silence was heavy. 

Zack’s fingers dug into Cloud’s shirt and he hugged him tighter. He could feel Cloud’s breath stutter. The next exhale sounded forced.

The subtle change startled Zack so much that he immediately loosened his hug. He’d been crushing the air out of Cloud’s lungs.

“‘M sorry. I’m sorry.” He mumbled, yet at the same time his heart was suddenly racing. This had been the first time he’d gotten some kind of reaction out of Cloud ever since that day they’d escaped from the laboratory. Even if it had been only a physical response and Cloud’s body was still motionless next to him… he felt elated. 

“Cloud.” There was a desperation in his voice.

Cloud was the reason he kept going. Because Cloud was alive. Because he needed Cloud to stay alive after all that’d happened. The body heat seeping through his friend’s clothes was a telltale sign of life and yet he wanted more. He wanted him to wake up from this coma. Overcome the severe Mako poisoning. Laugh at him like he used to. Joke with him like he used to. Zack was so sick and tired of being alone. This wasn’t something he’d ever admit but in the dead of the night, hugging his friend’s body close to his chest this was all he ever felt.

Lonely.  
Desperate.   
Frustrated.

“Why won’t you wake up?!” 

Before he knew what was going on he’d bitten down on Cloud’s nape. Feeling the soft skin yield under his teeth. The heat. The pulse. Zack pressed his lips against the wet spot, his eyes firmly closed. He wanted to be closer. 

There was no logical explanation to why he felt this desperate desire. But there was also no logic in place to hold him back right now.

His hands slipped under Cloud’s shirt. Fingers and nails stroking, scratching along the relaxed, thin body. So thin. He could feel Cloud’s ribs so clearly beneath his fingertips. So thin. But so hot. Cloud’s skin was so warm. His heartbeat was so strong, his breath so even.

“Please wake up. Cloud. Please.”

Zack hugged Cloud closer to himself. So close that his hips were pressed tightly against Cloud’s now as well. 

“Nh...Cloud.” Zack hardly recognized his own voice, was it trembling?

His body was moving out of its own volition now. Fingers kneading the soft, warm flesh of Cloud’s chest, undoing Cloud’s belt. His hips were slowly grinding against Cloud’s. He’d never felt this kind of desperation before. He was losing his mind. 

One more time he bit down on Cloud’s nape, holding onto him tightly with one hand as the other one slipped into Zack’s own pants.

Why was he hard? 

“Ngh… Mmhh!” A strangled noise escaped his throat as he closed a fist around his own cock. There was pleasure but that wasn’t all there was to it. It was the warm body next to him that made him crave more. 

He felt so fucking lonely.   
“Cloud… Cloud! Nh. Please wake up. Please-” He was begging, rambling, but not yet satisfied with the heat he felt.

More.

Hotter.

Closer.

Cloud.

His lips left a vibrant mark on Cloud’s white skin. It was so dark he could see it in even the faintest bit of moonlight shining into the shack. 

His hands impatiently tugged down their pants and he could feel himself grinding against naked flesh this time. It was electrifying. 

Slowly but surely pleasure and desire were overtaking every other emotion in his mind. He only wanted more.

Soon grinding himself against Cloud’s naked backside wasn’t enough anymore. His breath was hot and ragged against Cloud’s wet neck that was littered in spots by now.

“Hn… Cloud...cloud…” He was whispering his friend’s name over and over as though it was a spell to put them both at ease. Even when he slipped his cock between Cloud’s smooth thighs he didn’t stop uttering his name. 

“Hhah. Cloud. Mhn~” Zack wasn’t holding anything back. His hips were moving by themselves. As the pleasure built in his center. He felt the skin of Cloud’s thighs squeezing him tightly. It was so warm he felt tears burning in his eyes. If he could melt into Cloud right now and become one… he would. 

As long as he wasn’t alone anymore.  
As long as Cloud was still with him.  
Even the idea that there was the option that Cloud would never wake up from his coma was destroying him.

His blunt nails dug into Cloud’s chest and stomach as he came. Hips jerking forwards a few more times, sliding easily between the, now wet, thighs. 

“Hhn… Hh… “ Zack clung to Cloud for dear life for a while longer while the brief bliss of his orgasm chased away all his negative emotions.

But the high didn’t last…

And when it left it was followed by a loneliness much worse than before. Then came the guilt. Guilt so crushing it had him choked up. 

As if his fingers got burnt he flinched away from the motionless body he’d been so passionately holding until only moments ago.

The thought dominating his mind was as simple as it was devastating.

‘What have I done?!’

His breath frantic, he scrambled backwards until his back hit the wall. Cloud lay still before him in the faint moonlight. His empty eyes fixed on nothing in particular. His lips slightly agape. His chest rising and falling as calmly as ever. It was as though nothing had changed. Nothing had happened at all.

At least that would be true if not for Cloud’s dishevelled clothes. His naked, stained thighs, sticky and wet. The dark marks on his pale neck. 

Zack couldn’t remember how to breathe normally. For a moment he was caught staring at the scene before him with wide eyes as though he’d only just walked in on it. 

‘What have I done?!’

With trembling fingers he reached out to Cloud’s cheek. His touch was so careful it seemed as if he was afraid to break the boy beneath him. Afraid to do more damage than what he’d already done.

“I’m… so sorry.” His voice was nothing more than a whisper but to his own ears it was so loud it made his ears ring.

In this moment, when he heard the guilt-ridden, desperate sound of his own voice, something broke inside of him.

And as it shattered into pieces his hurting eyes finally overflowed.

He’d cried once before in recent years. Last time it was the loss of a friend he mourned. This time he cried because… he’d hurt someone so precious to him he could hardly put it into words. He sullied his hope. His lifeline. His honour. His friend.

A strangled sob fought its way out of his throat and he gently scooped Cloud up in his arms. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” His face was buried in dusty blonde hair as he cried. His hands were shakily straightening Cloud’s shirt before returning to just… holding him. Tightly. 

“I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t know. I can’t do this anymore! Cloud.” He didn’t care that his voice was a little too loud. He didn’t care that his throat hurt so much it felt as though his words were ripping it apart. He didn’t care about the tears soaking into Cloud’s hair either. 

“Please forgive me. Please come back. I need you… I need you, so please. I… can’t do this alone.” The silence hurt more this time. The calm breathing against his collarbone felt like it was going to tear his heart to shreds.

“I’m so…. So- sorry. So sorry. Please say something.” His entire body was trembling when he grabbed Cloud’s shoulders and moved him back a little just so that he could look at his face.

Cloud’s head lolled forwards, empty eyes staring right through him. 

“PLEASE SAY SOMETHING!!! PLEASE…. Please…. I’m begging you… please…” Zack’s hands were slipping off of Cloud’s shoulders slowly and the limp body fell back onto the old bed, kicking up some dust.

Zack's voice was small again as he continued to beg. Continued to cry. His shaking body hunched over Cloud’s. Countless bitter tears were soaked up by Cloud’s top. 

It took an hour… maybe two… until Zack’s tears dried.  
But what was broken inside of him remained broken.   
The sun was creeping up on the horizon when he finally got up from the bed and found a reasonably clean rag to clean Cloud’s body. 

His eyes stung and his eyelids felt so heavy he could hardly keep them open… but he didn’t stop moving until Cloud was properly dressed again, then he quietly lay down next to him. 

“If you… no… _when_ you wake up…” He started the sentence but stopped himself. If Cloud woke up then what? No beating or shouting would undo what he’d done. And why? Why’d he done something like this?! Stress? To fight his loneliness? Because he felt helpless and needed comfort?

With a dark sigh he turned onto his back. The back of his hand was touching Cloud’s. He felt the warmth. The warmth he’d craved so desperately.

“I never… meant to harm you. Not you. You’ve already… gone through so much because of me. What am I doing… adding to it? And still…because I’m a selfish guy, you know… still I-” Zack covered his stinging eyes with one arm, while his free hand carefully grabbed and squeezed Cloud’s. 

“Still I… don’t want to be hated… by you. Haha. Can I still pretend that I’m not a monster, too, after all this is over?” 

His laugh was devoid of joy.   
Bitter.

And for a while longer he lay there in silence holding Cloud’s hand.

“Please don’t hate me…” He whispered into the room.

The warm hand he’d been holding twitched.   
Five thin fingers, closed around his. The touch so light and weak it may have been nothing more than the gentle brush of a butterfly’s wing.


End file.
